The Fool-Proof Guide to Failing with Flair

Everything you need to know about getting it wrong.



I’m a perfectionist. As in: if I can’t get it perfect the first time, I become upset and give up. This is a very bad attitude for anyone who wants to be a writer because first drafts are never perfect. Final drafts are never perfect either. I am working to tame this “all or nothing” character flaw but it flares up at the most inconvenient times, such as right after I start my first blog. Seriously? I’ve got lots of stuff to choose from and a gazillion failures for inspiration but I hate the current incarnation of everything I have already written and my hatred is blocking my failure-flow. So today’s post will be about bacon. Sorry, that’s all I could come up with.

Bacon is delicious. That deliciousness makes up for the fact that bacon is bad for you in every way except emotionally. Unless you’re a vegetarian or vegan. Then it’s bad all the way around and I feel sorry for you in your bacon-less existence.

It would seem like failing at bacon should be virtually impossible. It’s not. Right now I have no bacon. Total failure. I have no bacon mostly because I haven’t been grocery shopping recently. Consequently I have been reduced to eating raisins, carrots and almond butter out of the jar (I also have no bread). I was supposed to go grocery shopping on Saturday. It’s now Tuesday and I would be at risk of not going shopping again today except I woke up thinking about bacon. The other reason I have no bacon is because I have discovered the best bacon ever at my local Whole Foods store and I’m pretty sure I cannot resist eating the whole package once it has been cooked. That’s what I did last time. I did make 2 fantastic BLTs with some of the bacon but I just gobbled down the rest of it standing at my kitchen counter after eating those BLTs right in a row. While that might not be a bacon failure it is undoubtedly a precursor to heart failure. I also fail to recall the name of said best bacon ever because I threw the package away. I am, however, confident I can find it again. That doesn’t help anyone reading this who now wants some of that particular brand of bacon but I swear I will post the brand name in the comments as soon as I get some more. Later today.

That’s it. I have nothing more on bacon failure because those are the only ways I have ever failed at bacon. I have included a link about chocolate covered bacon for your enjoyment and in case you, like me, think that’s a stellar combination. Eat bacon. Be happy.

One response to “Bacon

  1. Effie Fallire September 17, 2013 at 11:58 pm

    I never made it to Whole Foods today, or any grocery store for that matter. The craving for bacon passed after my appointment with the acupuncturist but I did do some organic bacon research and the brand of bacon that, in my opinion, is the best bacon ever, is Applegate Sunday Bacon. Absolute bacon nirvana!

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